How do you experience the period of ovulation? How does it feel to live this aspect of your cycle ? Yesterday, day on 13 of my menstrual cycle and one day before the full moon in Capricorn, I asked myself this question. And my response is here. I would love for you to reflect on your own experience of ovulation. Do my words resonate? What are the synergies and the differences? What arises for you when you ovulate?
Wow, well today i feel juicy! Literally. I awoke tired and groggy from a fitful night of waking and sleeping on the couch- but the first thing i noticed was how wet I was!
Ovulation for me is a feeling of being able to meet the world fully. I feel able to dance and participate in this great cosmic dance of life/death/life. My energy is flowing, my ideas are flowing and I am active in their manifestation. Like this “innerview.” I was inspired earlier in the month by a wonderful innerview with Kristen Lee Read and Kerri Alenka Merral, and while out walking yesterday i thought of videoing myself at some point. But today came and i was impatient and excited and decided that even without a recorder I could innerview myself. And so on this day of ovulation I birthed this innerview.
So i am also grateful for my walk yesterday. Walking is part of my daily practice. Walking is a great facilitator. The creative energy flows more easily when we walk. Which makes sense really, for when we are moving, our energy is moving and flowing, and our ideas, our creativity are part of this energy, this chi, this shakti.
So when we move, the ideas move with us. Added to this is the power of nature, of being out in the world. When we are outside, walking in the park for instance, we open ourselves to the world, to that creative flow of all life. And if we are open to it, then this energy rushes in. The whole world can come in, if we let it. And if this makes sense to you, read David Whyte, or Mary Oliver, or better yet go out and greet the world.
Where was I, ah ovulation. Yes ovulation is a time of expansion, and so sometimes that expansion can be a bit unfocused? I might find myself off topic, dreaming all the possibilities, all the potential of this beautiful season and finding ways to birth them. Now! While ovulating i feel my desire for life, for union with all things,- so you see i wasn’t really off topic when talking of walking, and being in the world. For this desire for union with the world (yes and with my darling husband!) is an essential part of my ovulatory experience. This is the biological imperative after all, isn’t it, to create, to procreate?
I wonder if my desire for union with the world also reflects my personal bent. I am a Libran after all, and we seek union. We seek to bring things together in the most beautiful ways, to co-opt, to cooperate. We bring together that which is seemingly disparate. We see connection and go for it. And we are guided by Venus. So beauty is everywhere. Sometimes it is ferocious, and sometimes soft. But this whole world is Beauty full, and seeking connection, integration and harmony.
It all sounds magnificent doesn’t it? Yes but, ah there is always a but (those scales might just tip back the other way) and i have noticed that just before ovulation, just before full moon, i can panic. I was having a lovely time yesterday listening to Caroline Casey- an awesome astrologer, and i was seeing connection, and everything was making sense. I felt like i was at the top of the mountain with this great overview (OK I do have Capricorn Ascendant, so i kind of like the mountain metaphor!) and then i looked back behind me, and went woah….how did i get here? what am i doing? what was i thinking? I’m stuck…..help.
Yep it was one of those moments. I totally lost faith in myself. And this can happen at this point in my cycle. I have noticed that just before the massive high of ovulation, there is a slight dip! I think maybe its my loyal soldier, still guarding those past wounds. Even though i have assigned him another job, he still pops up from time to time, to remind me that I can’t. I can’t possibly do this ,or that, or anything much for that matter. What did i do then? What do you do when those old stories/fears/patterns/triggers arise?
I invited him in..Hello, here you are again. Come in and sit down, but don’t make yourself too comfortable because i don’t expect you to be here too long. And i think this helps- firstly the recognition that the story is back, and is OK. But secondly that the story is a guest for a short time. I have been round and round these cycles long enough to know, as Jane Hardewicke Collings says, “this too will pass.” So instead of getting bogged down in these thoughts, I watched a romantic movie with my daughter on the couch, cooked some dinner and then sat with my feelings, and then what do you know I wake up today saying I can, and more than that, I am!
So here I am back on top of the mountain, looking at my births this cycle, which are deepening of births that have been arising since last spring really….Story telling, saying yes in the moment, which sometimes requires saying No to others, and flowing with creative potential, manifest today in my felted balls!
So this is my story of ovulation. What’s yours? You might find it useful to ask yourself this questions and journal your own responses, or you may want to video/voice record yourself, or dance. Feel whatever is right for you, and engage with the experiences of your cycle and your body. There is much out there to guide you, follow your hunches and see where they lead!
Blessings on this Full Moon in Capricorn.
(sunlight picture above by Megan Forbes!)