Scorpio Full Moon Love
Thanks for tuning in and turning up.
I am feeling the blessings of this full moon, of this illumination. I want to share with you the words of Mikailah as they really spoke to me. They met me in this surging tide of emotion as I come face to face with my fears both the immanent ones around the continued presence of ACIS in my cervix and the deep seated fears held in my sacred bowl through this life time and probably through the lifetimes of my ancestors. So here are her words, maybe you too will be touched by their significance, and maybe together we can choose to transmute and rewrite our Stories..
“All that has been hidden away and not addressed is rising to the surface to be personally owned (and not projected) through the illuminating Full Moon. There seems to be no hiding from our old emotional wounds. This is where mindfulness, self responsibility and the deepest attention to radical self care/ love is important for there is a golden gift to transmute the old story of our being.”
Before reflecting further here’s a link to my latest offerings:..click for further details:
So this moon is showing us the way home, and showing us what might be getting in the way of this homecoming. And if the opportunity for rewriting our stories is written in the stars, then why not use this energy?
You know how much I love stories, so why not rewrite our own stories, the personal and the collective ones? For now I simply need to focus on my own story and trust that the personal is political.
I need to look at the shape and texture of it, and see the paths I have taken, see the illuminated signs that I followed some of the way, or those I wanted to follow but felt unable to. I can see where I sometimes sat in the middle of the road and went nowhere, all the while thinking I was moving forward very quickly…And I can see where I went deep underground. And now I have come to this crossroad, this ACIS induced placed of choosing. And Hecate loves cross roads, so she is here with me at this point, this place. And I can choose how I want to proceed. And right now I want to choose love. Love is the radiant path, and love is actually the safest path.
Did I say love is safe? Yes, but I have learnt otherwise. I have learnt that love is sometimes unsafe. I have learnt instead to fear. And this fear is deeply held, it is embodied. It is inherited, ancient and of this lifetime. SometimesI walk with trepidation. I walk with my anxiety in the step and in the shape of my walking. Fear is in the movements I make, the curl of my shoulders, the tightness of my hips, the clutch of my psoas. Fear is in the footfalls of my moving. I walk with fear and this way has bought me here. And now I want to choose a different way. With consciousness, with intention, with forgiveness I choose love…
Interestingly my new moon prayers which evolved during a sacred walking womb ritual were:
I am a Priestess
I walk the Shamanic Path
With every Sacred Step
During this process I felt very clearly that when I hurry I am not on my path, I am in fact wobbly and disconnected. It was only when I slowed down that I felt myself present, that I felt myself Priestess. And this is not some high faluting thing….it is the very sacredness of our being, as guardians and protectors of this earth, as Priestess to Her.
And so I am trying to walk with love, to walk this path of love. And this isn’t easy… I am a loving warm person, yes but I am also someone who lives with a lot of imagined fear…You name it, it has happened to me, at least in my imagination. I was with Woody Allen in all his early movies. I totally got those fear induced scenarios, and the way he presented them to you as real, only to then reveal it was his fear talking. And Diane Keaton when she rises out of the bed during their love making scenes, Oh yes that was me too.
So choosing love is going to take time and practice. But we are so supported in this. If only we look for the love and support of the Great Mother. Last night I walked around the burbs, mindfully, slowly and I came upon a stunning Autumn tree. As I stood there gazing into her beauty, I could feel her song. Truly, deeply, I could feel her song being sung in my body. And she was reminding me that we all have a song which we need to listen for. Just as I had been told by my Aruveydic Doctor earlier that day. …And then later I went to the Van Gogh exhibition and here again I saw the songs of life. I cried at the way he depicted the song of the trees, the movement, energy and life force radiating from them. Here again I was touched by our deep interconnection, by love. Go see this work, it is magnificent. Its on at the NGV and it links to my seasonal work too, for Van Gogh knew the potency of the cycles, the inherent wisdom in natures rhythm.
I now see that for me the radical part of this radical self care involves two aspects, choosing love is radical, and choosing to prioritise my own self care, is also radical. And I invite you to think about what radical in radical self care means to you? I wonder if choosing love, and choosing to prioritise your own care resonates with you?
So often as women, and as mothers, carers, lovers, daughters, we put others first. Not surprising really its right there in the word (m)other. And children need our attention, our presence, or that of loving caregivers, they need dependable loving adults around them. And quite often our needs are secondary. So many of us are so busy that there really does not seem to be any time for self care.
But self care is absolutely necessary. Especially at this time of mid life. This re-birthing of self will set the patterns for the next phase of our life cycle, and so it is important to consciously choose the patterns, movements and ways of being we want to bring into this next phase of our lives. Often self care is about slowing down, about meeting oneself with tenderness and awareness, about making space for feelings to arise.
For me self care is also about finding rhythms so that the contraction is followed by expansion, the in breath by the out breath. And one of the most beautiful writers on this subject of self care while parenting isKatrina Kenison. Her book Mitten Strings for God shows how we can choose self care as we parent, how we can choose stillness, quiet and love in the face of this onslaught of consumer, capitalist cacophony of noise and activity. I highly recommend this book to all those parents out there. I had no intention of writing about it but somehow it popped up so I will let those of you who want to, to seek it out and reflect on your own life, and on the ways in which your own self care could be woven into your families rituals…
Rhythm has been one of those guiding principles, one of those flashing signs showing me the way home and I have followed its call. I have followed the path to dance, to Steiner, to the School of Shamanic Womancraft and to drumming. In each of these teachings rhythm matters, rhythm is essential. My inner healer/my intuition knew I needed rhythm but I am only now seeing how much of this inner rhythm has been curtailed. I see how although I was reaching for my internal rhythm, my fear was disabling it. Fear prevents us from really flowing with the rhythms. Its all one way with fear, its constriction and contraction. And its hard for the body to regenerate without this essential rhythm. Our bodies like (and as part of ) the earth rely on rhythm to function properly… This is what I teach and know and yet have not been fully embodying. The time has come to shift from fear to love, and I’m using this full moon energy, this “gift” of ACIS to move from fear to love.
This is what is being illuminated for me this cycle. I am seeing how much of my life is spent being busy and how much of my life is spent being fearful. I really didn’t see how much anxiety and fear I carry around with me. My husband did though, but he is not one to intervene, he just waits for me to see….and its been a long wait!
So here I am noticing how small things make me jump, how absence makes me fear the worst, how adrenaline pumps through my exhausted body…and how living in this way, meeting the world from a place of fear, of constriction and contraction is really unhealthy. Doh! And so to moving towards love, moving with love, really living a life of love.
At the moment the ways I am choosing love is by breathing, catching myself when I hear the voice of fear and pausing long enough to ask what is going on? To ask myself is this fear talking? And if the answer is yes then i can practice opening to love.
Some of my daily practices involve grounding, visualizations, meditations, dancing, walking…. I’ve really upped the ante on meditations and visualisations. Love is about grounding to the earth when I deeply connect to source, to the deep embodied love of mother earth and the velvety caress of spirit.
Love is remembering that,
“no matter how far you’ve wandered, this awake tender awareness is only a half breath of remembrance away.” (tara brach)
Love is warmth, yes I am wearing lots of warm clothes, beanies, having hot water bottles and blankies. Love is cuddles and tender moments with my children, husband and friends.
Love is also nourishing my body with healthy, life affirming foods and lots of nourishing herbal infusions, especially Red Clover tea.
Love is connection with my cervix. As Susan Weed says,
“Take back your power. Claim your cervix and your genitals as your own. Possess your uterus, cervix, vagina. Look at your cervix, accept it, love it, cherish it”.
She warns too that “when we reject a part of ourselves, we can find ourselves ‘losing’ that part to surgery.”
So there is a lot of deep healing to be done here, lots of forgiveness, acceptance, and love for all that my vagina, cervix and womb has experienced in this life and in the lifetimes of my ancestors. Yes.
This choosing of love is going to be a long journey out of my habits and reactivity towards more responsiveness. I am trusting that these deep seated feelings of not being safe, of needing to be on the look out will eventually be replaced with a wellspring of well being. I trust that my womb song will be sung and I will be open to her deep melody, I will claim this wombsong/bonesong of mine and I will sing it to the world, humbly and in gratitude.
trying to make sense of my choices and locate them in a cultural context I wrote this….
Why do I try and drink from this cup?
The waters fled long ago
when Amagons took the maiden
and defiled the sacred flow
The waters whisper
of their return
but they wont come
until we do
full bodied, remembering
we are the waters
we are the wells
we are the holy cup.
And finally an apology I had planned to write about the history of the drum, a pan cultural history of women drummers, but alas this time it was Love writing me. I’ll post a blog piece on that.
For all my latest news and events check out my webpage
See you next month….
Blessings Sarah xxxx